But we all have different personalities anyway
A poem and short text on living with Dissociative Identity Disorder
 
 
 
Courtesy: Ola Abulshalashel
 

Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.

I perceive humans to be demigods, constantly changing their vessels, what’s inside and what surrounds. With DID I wanted to befriend everyone, simply. I could always relate to all those children in class, but would shortly fall victim to rumors, division, and conflict. The ability to relate is, in fact, the positive side to the disorder. Being a DID patient is being an all patient, I was misdiagnosed as bipolar and schizophrenic. Many people don’t believe in DID, including my own parents and teachers, at some point. My parents started believing when they realized I still scream in corners the way five-year-olds do at the age of 21. My teachers paid me attention when they pushed my first breakdown in a classroom. My parents called me weak until I altered the word to sensitivity. DID Is not the existence of those multiple dimensions to my personality, it’s me not having any control over them — hysterical when harassed, crying when complimented. The misleading intelligence to evil and the misleading kindness to stupidity. The fragmentation of this very text as the “wasted potential” I am always described as. The first time I attempted suicide was at the age of 12.

Sometimes people only see dimensions of me

They see me on days I stutter

 

Sometimes I am rubber, others I am a stone

Sometimes I am a tree

Others I am a branch, on which I stand

And break

An artist, then a self-imposed critic

 

I could be one, I could be five

I am all and I am none

I am both the prisoner and its keeper

A child in a well, I am both the child and the well

 

Sometimes shallow and on others I am deeper than the seven layers of Beirut

 

The number of eyes, could be summed up in the whys

But I am sure it doesn’t matter, for I stutter on Sundays, and on Thursdays I am well-spoken

 

Broken glass, maybe glitched, if you meet the idiot wait for the wise

I am sometimes your height, sometimes I am smaller in size.

AD